How does one talk to someone who’s different? I mean politically and philosophically different.
With Thanksgiving behind us, the big kahuna of holidays is rapidly approaching. I’m going to assume there were some lively debates during the turkey feast across the country. Most families have rules these days to prevent dinner wars: no religion or politics. But after a couple glasses of wine, they become just guidelines. There are those who simply can’t help themselves.
If you are one of those families where everyone shares the same political views and philosophy, then your discussions were merely an affirmation and preaching to the family choir. However, in my experience there is always one holdout on one side or the other who sees things differently.
Sitting Across the Table
Christmas gatherings perhaps elicit even more discussion and “debate” because it can be an emotional time of year. And once the dissenting genie is rubbed out of the lamp, it can be difficult to stop the ensuing battle of differences. In our deeply divided country, both sides stand firm that they’re opinion is the right one. And we all know, in most cases, there’s nothing anyone can do to change one’s mind in a couple minutes of argumentative persuasion. Voices get raised and until grandma steps in – unless she’s the troublemaker – hopefully both sides raise their hands and reluctantly say “Enough!” Unless that someone stands up and storms out.
Then the lovely holiday turns to crap.
Slay the Evil Developer
I moved to Santa Ynez six years ago after living in Santa Barbara for over fifty years. I saw huge changes but one thing that never seemed to change was the liberal politics of the city. Santa Barbara has always been a very leftist community and known as the anti-business, anti-building, anti-oil, anti-agriculture and anti-anything that remotely resembled a common-sense way of thinking.
I bring this up because conversations in Santa Barbara was always a dance on snowy plover eggshells. I’ve been threatened many times because I represented something the left hates: land ownership. Especially along the Santa Barbara coast. We were labeled as “developers” even after never developing a single thing in over fifty years.
Santa Barbara County loves to pile regulations upon regulations. Permits for everything. Fees, fees, and fees, aka taxes. No progress in domestic water development except conceding to state water, which even the state can’t produce because it is also run by progressives. Who by the way are demanding Santa Barbara County build over 5,000 more homes with no additional water to supply them.
Who are the real developers?
Suppressing the News
When I started to grow up and pay more attention to things other than big surf was on the way, I learned news could be manipulated not only by what is reported, but even more so by what is not reported.
This realization came at the age of forty when I went back to City College to try and earn a degree to become a teacher. One of my classes was working with the college paper. It was run and taught by a woman who literally made students cry. She was tough in a bad way. She read me the riot act many a time and edited my stories to suit her needs not the truth. I was a student and dealt with it. I wouldn’t do that today. What I learned about that class was not how to report a story but how to bend the truth and get people to believe it. It’s the playbook of our mass media. That’s why so many people can be led to believe lies. So, how do we have a conversation, not an argument, about one’s personal beliefs?
Tough question.
In this divisive climate, nearly impossible to answer. The easy solution is to avoid the touchy stuff. But like I said earlier, for some it’s impossible to hold it in.
Winning an Argument… Or not
I have some very liberal friends with whom I disagree 100% politically but we’re still good friends. We know how each thinks, so we don’t usually broach anything testy. But sometimes you can’t help it. Both of us instantly become very defensive and then realize we have to rein it in. We know we won’t change our views so why bother with the battle? We tone it down and take the tact of, well this is how I see it and why and then move on. We all want to convince the other side we’re right and how can they possibly think that way. No one is going to change our minds after years of thinking one way or another in just five minutes. Like all the wasteful back and forth on social media.
Winning an argument or trying to change someone’s mind is accomplished with thoughtful conversation and facts and takes a little time. It won’t work if someone says you’re stupid and wrong no matter what kind of case you make. And using censorship like the left loves to employ, proves to me they know they can’t win a debate, so they have to shut up anyone with whom they disagree.
My view is the left has moved so far from normal thinking and behavior it’s impossible for many of us common-sense folks to think we even remotely can have a civilized debate. And on the left, they’ve been told there’s a far-right faction of white supremacists, racists, and gun-toting killers who are the problem. Those extremes are hard to pull back toward the middle and if that’s the position of some at your dinner table, it may not make a pleasant holiday.
As John Lennon used to say, “Give peace a chance.”
Happy Hannukah and Merry Christmas!
Spot-on Henry Schulte column, yet again. Especially on head-in-sand Santa Barbara officialdom, and their obstructionism.
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