Yikes! Whoa, easy on the reins there, Katy. Poor Calla; she just wanted to relate a positive tale of generational communications. Instead, she is beat up and berated by an angry woman. Anyone who believes scarring their face or body with a pile of tattoos is "embracing alternate forms of expression" is fooling themselves. They're just dedicated followers of fashion and mostly will rue what they've done twenty or thirty years down the road. Unfortunately, those things don't come off as easily as bell bottoms. You go, Calla. Be proud that your grandchildren are listening to your common sense!
At least we also got to toss our our poodle skirts and white buck shoes when it was time to move beyond our teen rebellion fashion statements. No permanent damage done. Except perhaps trying to win.... the best tan ever... award. With baby oil and iodine.
Interesting. I got my two tattoos 30 years ago, when i was 30. I haven't rued it one instant. i guess we're all different, personal freedom, etc., etc.
In the tattoo community we like to say that tattoos will attract people you'd like to get to know, and repel those you'd just as soon not meet. I've been tattooing in Santa Barbara for four decades, and consider the work I do an externalization of internal aesthetics. Sometimes they are memorials for a loved one, sometimes enthusiasm for ethnic identity, sometimes permanent jewelry or expressions of appreciation for the beauty in our natural world. They've been a part of the human experience forever, and there have always been judgemental people who disdain those who choose to have them. I'll be the first to agree that certain subject matter gives a very negative clue to the personality of the wearer, and to that point I personally won't tattoo any satanic or evil imagery. I'd rather not touch that person who chooses that dark path. But for the vast majority of tattooed people their epidermal embellishments are their own choice of something that means a lot to them. And I will guess that for every tattoo this author has seen and disliked there are dozens of people she knows who have tattoos they have not shown to her, because they are none of her business.
I know I must have offended tattoo lovers, but you shouldn't take it personally either. I'm an ex-Navy guy who never understood the appeal, but obviously, about half the country seems to have fallen under the spell of decorating their bodies. I just don't like that it's permanent!
I like that people ARE making a permanent expression of their enthusiasm or loyalty to SOMETHING. I am much more interested in what people have passion for than the endless negative rants of people who seem so filled with hate. And, of course, if more people are getting tattoos that is good business for me.
I wasn't referring to the author, I meant that as a comment about people in general these days being increasingly negative and viewing people they don't agree with completely as someone they can't communicate with.
Like I said, Pat, the author's comments were not personal. This was a story of a grandmother with her own set of values (she is not a fan of tatoos), using the Socratic method with her grandsons. She asked them, what did they think of tatoos? Then she pointed out some facts about the risks of getting a tatoo, for them to consider. I've read your work (Adios, and Granada), and I've seen your tatoos. I'm attracted to you - I would love to get to know you better. Not because you do or do not have tatoos, but because of your keen mind and powerful ability to use the English language, and based on the ideas you have shared at the Current, you seem like a very interesting and intelligent and free-thinking person. Can someone who is not a fan of tatoos also be a friend of someone who loves and has tatoos, and vice versa? I would certainly hope so, or a very fractured world we would be. The Christian commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself.
Thank you for your compliments, and I'll say the vast majority of my friends don't have tattoos, so what I do for a living is not a limiting factor in who I choose to know or be interested in. I chose to tattoo as a career because it allows me to be an artist full-time, to engage directly with my clients in something that is important to them, and it challenges me to do my best every time because of the permanence and significance.
"The 18th century Iroquois – Mohawks, Oneida, Onondaga, Cayuga, Seneca, and Tuscarora – called themselves the “United People”, always to remind each other that their safety and power resided in a strict mutual adherence to their tribal confederacy."
"A warrior’s manitou was also tattooed upon his skin, usually on his face. When the young warrior dreamed, it was believed that this sign was a “divine message” or omen given to him by his spiritual assistant who was in contact with its Master: the God of War (Areskoui) and the Creator (“the Master of Life”) who were both identified with the Sun."
For a current example, in the US prisons, the inmates, like the American Indians, tattoe themselves to be part of the tribe. You all may ask where am I going with all of this. Tribal Warefare, because that is what I am describing, does not require a marking of the skin (tattoe) it can be a phrase or a slogan as we see in words of the "Woke" of entire groups espouding an ideology and willing to die or get arrested for it like recent students hatred of jews. "Schooled in Hate: Anti-Semitism on Campus" https://www.adl.org/resources/report/schooled-hate-anti-semitism-campus. Now it looks like Columbia University is shutting down and all classes are on-line. Did anyone ever believe they would see the day that hatred against the Jews would be in open display as it was in Nazis Germany leading to the jewish holocaust? Well it gets down to Tribal Warefare. Think about it folks. Is there an ideological drive here in Santa Barbara where the so-called-leaders buy into one tribal cause, one way or the highway and the SB community be damned? Any Hate-Crimes here in SB like accross the US?
For those who also like to travel, Fodor's provides a list Japanese hot water spas (osens) which do not prohibit those with tattoos. It is a cultural thing here, where tattoos are considered "unclean". But in many countries, it is very much part of self-identification.
BTW: I had the same feeling about people wearing masks during "covid". They let me know who I wanted to avoid too. Good point. So if we find "body art" personally distasteful, no harm no foul. They find us distasteful too, for wanting to avoid them. That is cool. I appreciate learning this.
Technical detail: some Japanese believe that the best way to start the healing of a fresh tattoo is to immerse it in hot water, thus searing over an open surface. This disgusts many, in a country with a priority on personal cleanliness, where people wash off before entering the communal bath. So a "no tattoos" rule keeps out anyone who may be oozing lymph into the water, and then there is also the association of tattoos and Yakuza. The prohibitive rule keeps out the traditional tattoo enthusiasts in the gangster class.
This article title should be changed to “Call me a bitter and judgmental person who is so insecure with herself that she needs to pick apart other people’s choices." Your unsolicited judgment about other people’s deacons having tattoos or wearing torn jeans tells me so much about your own insecurities and narrow-minded perspective. The fact that you added “attractive face" in your statement "I was caught off guard when I spotted an attractive face (male or female) only to see the mess they’ve made of their skin with tattoos. I wondered, What were they thinking, what were they hiding?” The fact that you needed to include attractive shows how shallow and superficial you are. Your fixation on physical appearance reveals a disturbing lack of depth and empathy. Instead of appreciating the diversity of human expression and the stories behind each choice, you reduce people to superficial judgments based on their outward appearance. By fixating on tattoos and torn jeans as indicators of character, you reveal your own insecurity and intolerance. Your inability to see beyond the surface reflects a narrow-mindedness that diminishes the richness of human experience. It's time to introspect and address your own insecurities rather than projecting them onto others. I feel so sorry for your grandchildren as you instill your narrow worldview regarding the perpetuation of harmful prejudices. Your tone of superiority and disdain towards embracing alternate forms of expression reinforces societal norms that prioritize conformity over authenticity. I also feel deeply sorry that you don’t see the value in individuality as you clearly value conformity more. It is clear that you have a singular idea of what is “right and wrong” which is extremely detrimental. I urge you to reflect and confront your own biases and challenge your outdated beliefs.
“Call me a bitter and judgmental person who is so insecure with herself that she needs to pick apart other people’s choices." Your unsolicited judgment....
Your words...not anyone else's. You are doing... what you say... she does. Think about it...
There's no conversation in this place. There's no getting anywhere, except to try and make someone feel bad. Does that make you feel better? No it doesn't. It just adds to the already bad feelings you have.
In the words of Martin Luther King, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
You seem to have pain, and maybe, intolerance for "old fashioned beliefs" or the boomer generation and that probably has something to do with a dislike of hypocrisy, "do as I say not as I do" generation, lack of acknowledgement for who you are as a person, a lack of relationship with the older generation or something like that, which is, understandable.
There wasn't a lot of conversations or understanding from them, I am a generation younger, but to criticize and hate them for that is not the answer. To have a conversation and talk about the pain it caused, is a better option. I get it and I see the pain between the generational lines and I see how the "enemy of the state" is capitalizing on the pain it has caused from generation to generation. We need to come together on these issues, not cause a greater divide.
I enjoyed the article but was saddened to see the attack on a person, their story, morals, and values…it’s indicative of the contention that is in the air & part of the bigger problems that have saturated Our Country…USA has been infiltrated by the CCP (slowly over these past 40+ years) and now are under attack as [they] attempt the final collapse of Our Nation in order to install Communism…It’s the age old tactic of Divide & Conquer — the calling card of the communists.
Now is the time to Unite, rather than continue with the divisiveness of left v right, old v new, etc (general differences of our various tribes)…such drive-by assaults serve no one but our enemies…
I'm sorry, did someone just clear their throat? If you have something to say, use your big person voice. But if that cough was your attempt at a rebuttal, I suggest you come back when you've found some courage to use voice and have something useful to say.
Katy, Katy, Katy! Traditional values seem to really trigger you. I'm about the same generation as the author, and I proudly hold traditional values. Decades ago, a college friend told me that I was "discriminating." In those days, that was a compliment. Somehow I don't think my friend said it to let me know that I was insecure and narrow-minded, shallow, superficial, and intolerant. I don't think he wanted to let me know that I lacked depth or empathy, that I reduced people to superficial judgments, that I couldn't see beyond the surface, had a narrow worldview, and perpetuated harmful prejudices. I don't think he was trying to tell me that I had a tone of superiority and distain. Was he trying to tell me that I held outdated beliefs, and prioritized conformity? I'm quite sure he was not suggesting that I was a racist. What did he mean? Well, 20 years later, a "tile guy" told me I was "picky." I wonder if he meant that I was insecure and narrow-minded, etc., etc., etc.? Sifting through your mountain of ad hominems against the author, I found one that resonated: a concept of "right and wrong." I bet the author, and I also, will cop to that one. Yes, Katy, there are rules of grammar, and when you say "can I" but you mean "may I," that is "wrong." Yes, Katy, there are rules of math and chemistry, and if your recipe is 1 + 1 + 1 + 1/2, and your chef doesn't get it right, those Swedish pancakes you ordered at your favorite restaurant are not going to satisfy your desire for that breakfast you love so much. Oh, but if you like your pancakes to taste a certain way, that is superficial and intolerant, I forgot. All the "judgments" you are railing against which the author expressed in her piece, are basically Traditional Values. If you want to know what those are from an American perspective, I recommend that you might study "The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin" and the Boy Scout rules. Honesty is right, dishonesty is wrong. It's good to be thrifty, it's bad to waste money. How wonderful that Calla forged an intimate relationship with her grandsons, who "like her old-fashioned". Values are always imparted through relationship, not preaching, and Calla's story shared that so beautifully. I am secretly a little proud to have been called "discriminating" and "picky." But I also like to think that I am like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, who wrestled with both sides of each issue. In other words, "open-minded." "Discriminating" is not a bad thing: it means to discriminate between bad and good. In fact, if you are "discriminating," it means you THINK about things, and it actually causes you to THINK about both sides of an issue. I love to talk about politics with my friends, and have been told on more than one occasion, that I seem to be able to argue both sides, and have been told, "my other friends can't do that, they only see things their own way." Dear Katy, you are such a master of the ad hominem. Unfortunately, it is the weakest form of argument, used when no other argument can be found. I suggest you learn some additional forms of argument to build up your repertoire. Clearly Calla hit a nerve when she said she thought a tatoo disfigures the natural beauty of the human body! It's not personal Katy! You can have your tatoos, the author just wanted to teach her grandsons the downside before they did something permanent to their bodies. Cool your jets, Katy. Live and let live. Stop judging people who don't agree with you that "anything goes."
Oh, boy ... I just had a moment in my own 'bubble' here in east Texas ...
Read Calla's article ... and was filled with charm and nostalgia ...
... and the soft glow of the golden years was somewhat tarnished by the harsh reality of surviving the communization of America out here in fly over country ...
And then I get to the comments ...
... and y'all are all bent out of shape over the dress code? What?!
Face palm.
Some of y'all need to get a mirror and check yourselves out ...
... if you're fly is down, you're too old to drive or you've been hitting the bong water too hard ...
... if you're crack is showing, and you ain't a plumber ... you need to pull up your pants and get a job
... and if your tats are on your face ... I want your probie officer's number ...
otherwise ... it ain't none o' yo' businezz, baoys and goals ...
Wow! What a wonderful family! Sure wish I could have been there for some of those lessons. It does my heart good to know that good citizens are being raised. BTW, I couldn't agree more with you on the torn jeans. I often ask the teens if they paid for for the holes. Keep up the grat granny work Lilly!
I loved your story and I like "Old Fashioned". The thing I like about it is that there were principals that we lived by, not just feelings. I was told to never let my feelings be in the driver's seat, and it is true. They will drive me all over the place! Living by principals helps us to overcome feelings. It causes us to do things even when we don't feel like it. This skill is very important and quickly fading in the younger generation. Much of what they do, is because the feel like it. I think there does need to be a balance, feelings inform us of things that are not right and they should have a voice, but not to the extent that we are led by them.
I personally don't have tattoos and I have never colored my hair in any sort of way and I also encourage my 18 year old daughter not to do these things. I see that young people are participating in so many outward behaviors of trying to find themselves and their identity, doing these things because they think it will make them feel better. They think that something from the outside-in is going to be the thing that satisfies their soul.
As a 20 year teacher, I know that it is actually quite the opposite. Children have something in them, "Gold" is what I like to call it, that can be mined, and when they figure out their gifts, talents, and even weaknesses, and they discover who they are, what they are made of, how they can overcome challenges, etc. and that is where their souls find some satisfaction and some genuine belief and relief. As a teacher and a mother, it has always been my job to guide and speak life into that process. Children haven't changed, they still need this and if it's old-fashioned, so be it. It is a human need and we can be people that continue to help meet that need, at any age. Good for you, Calla, keep speaking into your children, and their children.
1. First and foremost, I know you know how blessed you are with your boys and family. I can’t imagine a more wonderful gift. In my next life I’m gonna have 10!
2. I completely agree with your comments about torn up clothes and tattoos. It’s so revealing. I suppose kids following today’s weird fashion trends might account for wearing jeans with holes in them, but I can’t understand the tattoo mentality. It seems so pretentious and perhaps even demanding that people ‘notice me’. I’m sure you’re raising your kids right - they’ll thank you for sure!
Wow, my Swedish mother never paid me for cleaning my baby brother's diaper, it was just expected of me! I got my first paid job at 13 (lawnwork) and came home with my first paycheck quite excited. My father's response was to "tax" a portion of my earnings for household expenses. "You might as well get used to taxes," he said, "there is no such thing as a 'free lunch'."
Don't forget the crop tops that some young women wear or some men who just straight up go shirtless, it may seem insignificant but rampant immodesty never makes for moral people or strong societies.
Yikes! Whoa, easy on the reins there, Katy. Poor Calla; she just wanted to relate a positive tale of generational communications. Instead, she is beat up and berated by an angry woman. Anyone who believes scarring their face or body with a pile of tattoos is "embracing alternate forms of expression" is fooling themselves. They're just dedicated followers of fashion and mostly will rue what they've done twenty or thirty years down the road. Unfortunately, those things don't come off as easily as bell bottoms. You go, Calla. Be proud that your grandchildren are listening to your common sense!
At least we also got to toss our our poodle skirts and white buck shoes when it was time to move beyond our teen rebellion fashion statements. No permanent damage done. Except perhaps trying to win.... the best tan ever... award. With baby oil and iodine.
Oooww, I hadn't heard of baby oil and iodine. Did it work?
Interesting. I got my two tattoos 30 years ago, when i was 30. I haven't rued it one instant. i guess we're all different, personal freedom, etc., etc.
My thoughts on Mr. Buckley’s response, are best summarized in the first sentence brought forth by Ms. Fish.
In the tattoo community we like to say that tattoos will attract people you'd like to get to know, and repel those you'd just as soon not meet. I've been tattooing in Santa Barbara for four decades, and consider the work I do an externalization of internal aesthetics. Sometimes they are memorials for a loved one, sometimes enthusiasm for ethnic identity, sometimes permanent jewelry or expressions of appreciation for the beauty in our natural world. They've been a part of the human experience forever, and there have always been judgemental people who disdain those who choose to have them. I'll be the first to agree that certain subject matter gives a very negative clue to the personality of the wearer, and to that point I personally won't tattoo any satanic or evil imagery. I'd rather not touch that person who chooses that dark path. But for the vast majority of tattooed people their epidermal embellishments are their own choice of something that means a lot to them. And I will guess that for every tattoo this author has seen and disliked there are dozens of people she knows who have tattoos they have not shown to her, because they are none of her business.
I know I must have offended tattoo lovers, but you shouldn't take it personally either. I'm an ex-Navy guy who never understood the appeal, but obviously, about half the country seems to have fallen under the spell of decorating their bodies. I just don't like that it's permanent!
I like that people ARE making a permanent expression of their enthusiasm or loyalty to SOMETHING. I am much more interested in what people have passion for than the endless negative rants of people who seem so filled with hate. And, of course, if more people are getting tattoos that is good business for me.
It wasn't a rant, and she showed no hate.
I wasn't referring to the author, I meant that as a comment about people in general these days being increasingly negative and viewing people they don't agree with completely as someone they can't communicate with.
Like I said, Pat, the author's comments were not personal. This was a story of a grandmother with her own set of values (she is not a fan of tatoos), using the Socratic method with her grandsons. She asked them, what did they think of tatoos? Then she pointed out some facts about the risks of getting a tatoo, for them to consider. I've read your work (Adios, and Granada), and I've seen your tatoos. I'm attracted to you - I would love to get to know you better. Not because you do or do not have tatoos, but because of your keen mind and powerful ability to use the English language, and based on the ideas you have shared at the Current, you seem like a very interesting and intelligent and free-thinking person. Can someone who is not a fan of tatoos also be a friend of someone who loves and has tatoos, and vice versa? I would certainly hope so, or a very fractured world we would be. The Christian commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself.
Thank you for your compliments, and I'll say the vast majority of my friends don't have tattoos, so what I do for a living is not a limiting factor in who I choose to know or be interested in. I chose to tattoo as a career because it allows me to be an artist full-time, to engage directly with my clients in something that is important to them, and it challenges me to do my best every time because of the permanence and significance.
You did mine 30 years ago Pat, and i am proud of it!
Thank you for your patronage.
Hello Pat Fish. With no disrepect to you profession I will comment on modern tattoes in the US
and the link to our brutal US history. I will qoute from "Tattoed War Clubs of the IROQUOIS'
as follows. https://www.larskrutak.com/tattooed-war-clubs-of-the-iroquois/
"The 18th century Iroquois – Mohawks, Oneida, Onondaga, Cayuga, Seneca, and Tuscarora – called themselves the “United People”, always to remind each other that their safety and power resided in a strict mutual adherence to their tribal confederacy."
"A warrior’s manitou was also tattooed upon his skin, usually on his face. When the young warrior dreamed, it was believed that this sign was a “divine message” or omen given to him by his spiritual assistant who was in contact with its Master: the God of War (Areskoui) and the Creator (“the Master of Life”) who were both identified with the Sun."
For a current example, in the US prisons, the inmates, like the American Indians, tattoe themselves to be part of the tribe. You all may ask where am I going with all of this. Tribal Warefare, because that is what I am describing, does not require a marking of the skin (tattoe) it can be a phrase or a slogan as we see in words of the "Woke" of entire groups espouding an ideology and willing to die or get arrested for it like recent students hatred of jews. "Schooled in Hate: Anti-Semitism on Campus" https://www.adl.org/resources/report/schooled-hate-anti-semitism-campus. Now it looks like Columbia University is shutting down and all classes are on-line. Did anyone ever believe they would see the day that hatred against the Jews would be in open display as it was in Nazis Germany leading to the jewish holocaust? Well it gets down to Tribal Warefare. Think about it folks. Is there an ideological drive here in Santa Barbara where the so-called-leaders buy into one tribal cause, one way or the highway and the SB community be damned? Any Hate-Crimes here in SB like accross the US?
Howard Walther, member of a Military Family
For those who also like to travel, Fodor's provides a list Japanese hot water spas (osens) which do not prohibit those with tattoos. It is a cultural thing here, where tattoos are considered "unclean". But in many countries, it is very much part of self-identification.
BTW: I had the same feeling about people wearing masks during "covid". They let me know who I wanted to avoid too. Good point. So if we find "body art" personally distasteful, no harm no foul. They find us distasteful too, for wanting to avoid them. That is cool. I appreciate learning this.
Technical detail: some Japanese believe that the best way to start the healing of a fresh tattoo is to immerse it in hot water, thus searing over an open surface. This disgusts many, in a country with a priority on personal cleanliness, where people wash off before entering the communal bath. So a "no tattoos" rule keeps out anyone who may be oozing lymph into the water, and then there is also the association of tattoos and Yakuza. The prohibitive rule keeps out the traditional tattoo enthusiasts in the gangster class.
Lovely story!!
This article title should be changed to “Call me a bitter and judgmental person who is so insecure with herself that she needs to pick apart other people’s choices." Your unsolicited judgment about other people’s deacons having tattoos or wearing torn jeans tells me so much about your own insecurities and narrow-minded perspective. The fact that you added “attractive face" in your statement "I was caught off guard when I spotted an attractive face (male or female) only to see the mess they’ve made of their skin with tattoos. I wondered, What were they thinking, what were they hiding?” The fact that you needed to include attractive shows how shallow and superficial you are. Your fixation on physical appearance reveals a disturbing lack of depth and empathy. Instead of appreciating the diversity of human expression and the stories behind each choice, you reduce people to superficial judgments based on their outward appearance. By fixating on tattoos and torn jeans as indicators of character, you reveal your own insecurity and intolerance. Your inability to see beyond the surface reflects a narrow-mindedness that diminishes the richness of human experience. It's time to introspect and address your own insecurities rather than projecting them onto others. I feel so sorry for your grandchildren as you instill your narrow worldview regarding the perpetuation of harmful prejudices. Your tone of superiority and disdain towards embracing alternate forms of expression reinforces societal norms that prioritize conformity over authenticity. I also feel deeply sorry that you don’t see the value in individuality as you clearly value conformity more. It is clear that you have a singular idea of what is “right and wrong” which is extremely detrimental. I urge you to reflect and confront your own biases and challenge your outdated beliefs.
Katy, let's you me and Christy have coffee and talk. :)
“Call me a bitter and judgmental person who is so insecure with herself that she needs to pick apart other people’s choices." Your unsolicited judgment....
Your words...not anyone else's. You are doing... what you say... she does. Think about it...
There's no conversation in this place. There's no getting anywhere, except to try and make someone feel bad. Does that make you feel better? No it doesn't. It just adds to the already bad feelings you have.
In the words of Martin Luther King, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
You seem to have pain, and maybe, intolerance for "old fashioned beliefs" or the boomer generation and that probably has something to do with a dislike of hypocrisy, "do as I say not as I do" generation, lack of acknowledgement for who you are as a person, a lack of relationship with the older generation or something like that, which is, understandable.
There wasn't a lot of conversations or understanding from them, I am a generation younger, but to criticize and hate them for that is not the answer. To have a conversation and talk about the pain it caused, is a better option. I get it and I see the pain between the generational lines and I see how the "enemy of the state" is capitalizing on the pain it has caused from generation to generation. We need to come together on these issues, not cause a greater divide.
Want to get coffee and talk?
I enjoyed the article but was saddened to see the attack on a person, their story, morals, and values…it’s indicative of the contention that is in the air & part of the bigger problems that have saturated Our Country…USA has been infiltrated by the CCP (slowly over these past 40+ years) and now are under attack as [they] attempt the final collapse of Our Nation in order to install Communism…It’s the age old tactic of Divide & Conquer — the calling card of the communists.
Now is the time to Unite, rather than continue with the divisiveness of left v right, old v new, etc (general differences of our various tribes)…such drive-by assaults serve no one but our enemies…
LOL Katy! Find my response above.
(Cough)
I'm sorry, did someone just clear their throat? If you have something to say, use your big person voice. But if that cough was your attempt at a rebuttal, I suggest you come back when you've found some courage to use voice and have something useful to say.
Katy, Katy, Katy! Traditional values seem to really trigger you. I'm about the same generation as the author, and I proudly hold traditional values. Decades ago, a college friend told me that I was "discriminating." In those days, that was a compliment. Somehow I don't think my friend said it to let me know that I was insecure and narrow-minded, shallow, superficial, and intolerant. I don't think he wanted to let me know that I lacked depth or empathy, that I reduced people to superficial judgments, that I couldn't see beyond the surface, had a narrow worldview, and perpetuated harmful prejudices. I don't think he was trying to tell me that I had a tone of superiority and distain. Was he trying to tell me that I held outdated beliefs, and prioritized conformity? I'm quite sure he was not suggesting that I was a racist. What did he mean? Well, 20 years later, a "tile guy" told me I was "picky." I wonder if he meant that I was insecure and narrow-minded, etc., etc., etc.? Sifting through your mountain of ad hominems against the author, I found one that resonated: a concept of "right and wrong." I bet the author, and I also, will cop to that one. Yes, Katy, there are rules of grammar, and when you say "can I" but you mean "may I," that is "wrong." Yes, Katy, there are rules of math and chemistry, and if your recipe is 1 + 1 + 1 + 1/2, and your chef doesn't get it right, those Swedish pancakes you ordered at your favorite restaurant are not going to satisfy your desire for that breakfast you love so much. Oh, but if you like your pancakes to taste a certain way, that is superficial and intolerant, I forgot. All the "judgments" you are railing against which the author expressed in her piece, are basically Traditional Values. If you want to know what those are from an American perspective, I recommend that you might study "The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin" and the Boy Scout rules. Honesty is right, dishonesty is wrong. It's good to be thrifty, it's bad to waste money. How wonderful that Calla forged an intimate relationship with her grandsons, who "like her old-fashioned". Values are always imparted through relationship, not preaching, and Calla's story shared that so beautifully. I am secretly a little proud to have been called "discriminating" and "picky." But I also like to think that I am like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, who wrestled with both sides of each issue. In other words, "open-minded." "Discriminating" is not a bad thing: it means to discriminate between bad and good. In fact, if you are "discriminating," it means you THINK about things, and it actually causes you to THINK about both sides of an issue. I love to talk about politics with my friends, and have been told on more than one occasion, that I seem to be able to argue both sides, and have been told, "my other friends can't do that, they only see things their own way." Dear Katy, you are such a master of the ad hominem. Unfortunately, it is the weakest form of argument, used when no other argument can be found. I suggest you learn some additional forms of argument to build up your repertoire. Clearly Calla hit a nerve when she said she thought a tatoo disfigures the natural beauty of the human body! It's not personal Katy! You can have your tatoos, the author just wanted to teach her grandsons the downside before they did something permanent to their bodies. Cool your jets, Katy. Live and let live. Stop judging people who don't agree with you that "anything goes."
Oh, boy ... I just had a moment in my own 'bubble' here in east Texas ...
Read Calla's article ... and was filled with charm and nostalgia ...
... and the soft glow of the golden years was somewhat tarnished by the harsh reality of surviving the communization of America out here in fly over country ...
And then I get to the comments ...
... and y'all are all bent out of shape over the dress code? What?!
Face palm.
Some of y'all need to get a mirror and check yourselves out ...
... if you're fly is down, you're too old to drive or you've been hitting the bong water too hard ...
... if you're crack is showing, and you ain't a plumber ... you need to pull up your pants and get a job
... and if your tats are on your face ... I want your probie officer's number ...
otherwise ... it ain't none o' yo' businezz, baoys and goals ...
Just sayin'
Wow! What a wonderful family! Sure wish I could have been there for some of those lessons. It does my heart good to know that good citizens are being raised. BTW, I couldn't agree more with you on the torn jeans. I often ask the teens if they paid for for the holes. Keep up the grat granny work Lilly!
Charming reminiscences. Thanks for sharing them.
I loved your story and I like "Old Fashioned". The thing I like about it is that there were principals that we lived by, not just feelings. I was told to never let my feelings be in the driver's seat, and it is true. They will drive me all over the place! Living by principals helps us to overcome feelings. It causes us to do things even when we don't feel like it. This skill is very important and quickly fading in the younger generation. Much of what they do, is because the feel like it. I think there does need to be a balance, feelings inform us of things that are not right and they should have a voice, but not to the extent that we are led by them.
I personally don't have tattoos and I have never colored my hair in any sort of way and I also encourage my 18 year old daughter not to do these things. I see that young people are participating in so many outward behaviors of trying to find themselves and their identity, doing these things because they think it will make them feel better. They think that something from the outside-in is going to be the thing that satisfies their soul.
As a 20 year teacher, I know that it is actually quite the opposite. Children have something in them, "Gold" is what I like to call it, that can be mined, and when they figure out their gifts, talents, and even weaknesses, and they discover who they are, what they are made of, how they can overcome challenges, etc. and that is where their souls find some satisfaction and some genuine belief and relief. As a teacher and a mother, it has always been my job to guide and speak life into that process. Children haven't changed, they still need this and if it's old-fashioned, so be it. It is a human need and we can be people that continue to help meet that need, at any age. Good for you, Calla, keep speaking into your children, and their children.
Methinks perhaps you mean "principles" there rather than "principals".
I feel like I am destined for hell now...
Judgmental much??
On whose part?
Hi Calla, love your post and have 2 comments.
1. First and foremost, I know you know how blessed you are with your boys and family. I can’t imagine a more wonderful gift. In my next life I’m gonna have 10!
2. I completely agree with your comments about torn up clothes and tattoos. It’s so revealing. I suppose kids following today’s weird fashion trends might account for wearing jeans with holes in them, but I can’t understand the tattoo mentality. It seems so pretentious and perhaps even demanding that people ‘notice me’. I’m sure you’re raising your kids right - they’ll thank you for sure!
Wow, my Swedish mother never paid me for cleaning my baby brother's diaper, it was just expected of me! I got my first paid job at 13 (lawnwork) and came home with my first paycheck quite excited. My father's response was to "tax" a portion of my earnings for household expenses. "You might as well get used to taxes," he said, "there is no such thing as a 'free lunch'."
Don't forget the crop tops that some young women wear or some men who just straight up go shirtless, it may seem insignificant but rampant immodesty never makes for moral people or strong societies.