Child Prodigy Laura Capps, Ambulance Chaser Bob Nelson

by Andy Caldwell, Lompoc Jr. High Student Body Governor 1971-72

Evidently, I owe an apology to Supervisor Laura Capps about my claim that she didn’t deserve a $56,000 raise, for among other reasons, because she didn’t work full time as a second district supervisor. That is because I assumed she was the supervisor of only one district. Of course, I was not alone. Everybody assumed after she lost her campaign against Das Williams to become the first district supervisor, and then carpetbagged her way into a subsequent election two years later in the second district that she won, that the boundaries of her district were set. But that was before Laura announced that she would be initiating, hosting, and leading a community forum on cannabis odor in Carpinteria, which of course, is in Roy Lee’s first district!

It appears that Laura Capps is the first supervisor to represent two separate county supervisorial districts, which is obviously a full-time job. Hence, my apology. But where does that leave Supervisor Roy Lee? Well, because Laura and her gal pal, Gwynn Lurie, believe it was they themselves who won the first district election for Roy Lee, they have defacto permission to assume control of his district.

Roy Lee, First District Assistant Supervisor

It would logically follow that Supervisor Lee has thereby become the first assistant supervisor in the history of the county. The job comes with some perks as I understand it, after I read a fluff piece in Noozhawk by columnist “Dr.” (heavy emphasis on the “Dr.”) Cynder Sinclair, which revealed that Laura Capps was a veritable political child prodigy.

The article, titled, “Laura Capps: Sups See Big Picture,” was designed to repair the damage to Capps’s reputation as she led the way to the board’s $56,000 raise while expressing the most emphatic faux outrage at yours truly. Sinclair wanted to give Laura the opportunity to share her sincere empathy to her constituents – who can’t raise their own salaries – as it pertains to Laura feeling their socio-economic pain.

And who knew that it was Laura who paved the way for both her parents to serve in Congress? I certainly didn’t. Most of us wrongly assume that Laura became interested in politics because her parents were U.S. House Representatives. However, Laura entered politics before her parents did.

How so?

Laura ran for student government at Roosevelt Elementary School and won! (I am not making any of this up the “Dr.” wrote all of this in her piece.)

Laura ran because it was in her blood, practically speaking, to make things better for others just like she is doing today. We are also led to believe that Laura personally answers 30 to 40 messages per day from her constituents. Is that because she is the only person working full time in two sups’ offices? Finally, the “Dr.” and Laura want everyone to know that Laura even works during her normal two weeks off for Christmas in the event of a fire.

Well, anyhoo, now I fully understand that Roy is lucky to have Laura as his mentor, superior, benefactor, helper, leader, guide, and proctologist!

Supervisor Bob Nelson “Standing Alone” Against Nothing

Meanwhile, I also find it necessary to apologize to county supervisor Bob Nelson, or at least correct the record. During the hearing on the obscene county supervisors’ raises, Bob Nelson strenuously objected to my objections to the raises. That is, Bob was for the raise before and after he voted “No” on the same.

What do I mean by that?

From the dais, Nelson stated that he and I share some of the same constituents, and because I had poisoned “the well” (read: “the public trough”), he couldn’t vote for the raise. Hence, he voted “No,” not because voting for the raise would have been the wrong thing to do. Not at all; he voted “No” because of public pressure, which he clearly resented as much as he apparently resents me.

Nevertheless, my umbrage on this issue is not aimed at Nelson; after all, he did vote “No.” My concerns have to do with an ad run by the Santa Barbara Republican Party praising Bob Nelson for “Standing Alone (?) for Taxpayers as he stood for fiscal responsibility by rejecting this reckless spending.”

I didn’t hear Bob utter one word about “reckless spending” as it pertains to the raise.

Because it didn’t happen.

Furthermore, Supervisor Nelson has apparently no qualms about accepting the raise despite the reckless spending it represents.

And, speaking of protecting taxpayers, how is it that Supervisor Nelson also voted “No” on settling the lawsuit with AMR after the county’s failed attempt to steal the ambulance contract? After all, the board majority realized that having spent $11.1 million on this boondoggle was bad enough, and that spending even more money on a court case everyone knew they would lose would make it even worse, but not Bob.

Bob Nelson usually votes in a manner consistent with conservative fiscal values, but when he doesn’t, the public deserves to know.

Andy Caldwell, Executive Director, COLAB

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