As an old boxer (which I’m not) might say, “I’ve decided to throw in the towel.” I’m going to go all in and will vote Democrat to support the party’s new socialist movement.
“How nice it would be,” I told myself, “to no longer worry about wanting to live the American dream.”
No more pressure.
For example, owning a home is overrated. I won’t have to worry about property tax, maintenance, mortgage payments, insurance. The government is going to take care of all that. In fact, I might even be sharing my new government-owned domicile – whatever it might be – with strangers.
I can make new friends.
Hopefully we speak the same language.
I will also enjoy shopping at the government-run grocery store and get stuff cheaper, maybe even for free. After all, who would stop me if I put a bunch of stuff under my arms and run out the door like so many of my fellow residents do? It may not be the best selection but hey, we all need to make sacrifices for the benefit of all.
And since I eventually won’t be able to own a car, I have the luxury of taking government-run buses. The smell might be a little rank, but I still have a few boxes of masks left over from the COVID days. I just need to avoid sitting on a needle and make sure I step over the poop.
Not a big deal. We all know life has its challenges. Geez, pardon my use of cliché. I also have the option of riding my bicycle to help the environment. It might be a bit challenging when it’s 100 degrees, raining, or freezing cold. That’s when my government secondhand clothing comes in.
And who are we to boast to the rest of the world that we shot a rocket with four astronauts around the dark side of the moon and back? I mean, that money could have been better spent on supplying more needles and drugs to the homeless to help them out. We could have upgraded their tents and provided WIFI. Shooting rockets is a waste of money. Probably didn’t even happen anyway. It was probably all A.I.
And what’s up with the stock market hitting all-time highs? By increasing in value even more people get richer. On second thought, that means more money the government can take to spread the wealth. A sweet bonus for the régime’s coffers. Those pesky 401K’s can be squeezed for a few more bucks, right?
I also think we should just give Iran a ton of money like Obama did. He had the right idea. Give them the moolah and they’ll play nice with us. It’s not our business if they want to make big bombs to melt millions of Americans. And maybe they’ll only charge a nominal toll to travel through the Strait of Hormuz. They’ll be reasonable. And all those executions of their own people, they’re probably justified. It’s important their citizens know their place. Unless that too was just A.I.
I’m all-in for getting rid of the police. The socialists will take my guns, which is a good idea since most people don’t know how to use them anyway. Except for the poor criminals who need them to make a living. We all just have to plan accordingly when a criminal breaks into your house. Be creative and pull a “Home Alone” on them. You can put paint cans over the door and thumb tacks on the floor. There are all kinds of things you could employ to make the bad guys run away scared. After all you can’t call for help. And, even if you did, no one would show up anyway.
New York mayor Mamdani could be on to something. What do Americans have to be patriotic about? Maybe he’s right when he says we’re all racists and only the white elitists get everything. Though I wouldn’t mind sharing the wealth with the likes of Beyoncé, LeBron James or Tiger Woods.
Maybe it’s time we also stop funding new technology. Why should America always carry the burden? Let other countries improve their lives on their own and then we can just steal their ideas.
Oh, and I’m going to start attending every march that I can. I need to get in more steps. It will be great exercise. If I add carrying a sign and shake it up and down, I’ll also get an upper body workout. I’m confident when hand-painted signs say things like “We don’t want kings,” or “ICE are Nazis,” it will make all the difference in the world.
We’ll change tons of minds.
And speaking of ICE. Oh my gosh. They need to be abolished for sure. Borders schmorders. Think of being able to go into Mexico and Canada without a passport and buy all their pharmaceutical drugs. They are so cheap. Canada is already a socialist country. They should be more than happy to meld us in for all their free stuff.
In that same vein, the U.S. needs to embrace the millions more of illegals who will be joining us, even the killers and rapists. They need love too. How cruel to want to send people back to their homes. Since we’ll be financially raping everyone and anyone who has any money, the U.S. treasury will be maxed out with cash. More than enough to feed, clothe, educate, house and pay the medical bills of our new residents. That’s what America is all about. We welcome the world with open arms and gratuities.
Everything will be free under the new United Socialist States of America. USSA, kind of has a nice ring to it. Also, a little familiar.
The planet will love us again. Though I’m not sure how those soccer players and recent world visitors will like the changes. They all seemed pretty happy and impressed with America the way it was.
As for those millions upon millions who joyfully celebrated Amerca’s 250th birthday, they should all be ashamed. What were they so happy about?
Let freedom reign.
Peace out.
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Brilliantly written! You've persuaded this Republican! Throw in the towel! The American dream was a fantasy. It seems all of my neighbors now have multiple families living under their roof, so perhaps it will make my cost of owning this home more affordable. I bet if I stopped making mortgage payments they'd let me stay as long as I brought in other needy families. Bicycles and busses might be a healthy alternative; who needs four cars, anyway? I haven't tried out the free grocery stores yet. But I have a nagging thought: if all our groceries are free, why would the braceros or other farm workers continue....will they be paid? Thanks for solving my financial problems!
Thanks Henry…that was GREAT. While the gist is very serious I couldn’t help getting in a few good chuckles.
A very Happy 250th to everyone and may we find our course and stay on it with a fair breeze at our backs. Lord knows the winds have been variable and the seas choppy