Oh, Woe Is He, the Swalwell Sob Story

by David McCalmont

As the supposedly former congressman Eric Swalwell‘s political career imploded amid a string of sexual assault and misconduct allegations, he had recorded a denial video at a Beverly Hills mansion belonging to idiosyncratic, just-shy-of-billionaire-status Stephen Cloobeck. Swalwell used the $26 million estate as a backdrop for his mythical tale of woe-is-me virtue signaling.

He had stayed numerous times in Cloobeck’s expansive quarters unchaperoned during his run for California governor, which made its debut on the late-night Jimmy Kimmel Show. “A lot has been said about me today through anonymous allegations, and I thought it was important that you see and hear from me directly,” Swalwell said, staring into the camera. “These allegations of sexual assault are flat false. They’re absolutely false.” On April 13th, less than 50 hours from the release of his video, he announced that at some time in the future (this is strange in and of itself) he would resign his seat in Congress.

The odd-duck character, however, in this melodrama is the financial angel behind Swalwell’s rise to the top (at an anaemic 15%) of the jungle California gubernatorial heap in the latest polls. Who is Stephen Cloobeck? Well, he is an offbeat, shadowy investor in the not-so-glamorous timeshare real estate business. Cloobeck refers to Harry Reid, the longtime Democrat Senate majority leader from Nevada who died in 2021, as his “adopted dad.” His career in Las Vegas real estate led to the creation of the global timeshare company Diamond Resorts International, which Leon Black‘s Apollo Global Management purchased for $2.2 billion in 2016.

Cloobeck had launched his campaign for California governor from his home on election night in 2024 with Zac Efron and Casey Affleck in the camera shot. Throughout his career, the wannabe insider was prolific in touting his partisan bona fides. Barack Obama was a “frequent” golf partner (so says the not-quite-billionaire) and the former president eagerly included Cloobeck in his cocktail parties and soirees. Also on Stephen’s speed dial are Democrat heavy hitters that include Bill and Hillary Clinton, Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Pete Buttigieg, Cory Booker and we can’t leave out former Cuban Communist Alejandro Mayorkas.

A year after Cloobeck triumphantly entered the coveted California stakes race, he backed out and simultaneously threw his check book behind Eric Swalwell. Five months later, he’s throwing his arms in the air about the sudden politically provoked s**t show, saying in effect, “Who would ‘a thunk”? “If this was such a big known secret in political circles”, then how many others are there on the Hill”? Translated: “How the hell didn’t I know this”?

Living Large With the Low Life Crowd

But this 64-year-old cat is himself no stranger to the rumor mill, or to bad living, if you will. Apparently, he enjoys life in the vicinity of wrongdoing. While Swalwell was conducting sexual seminars away from his wife and children, Cloobeck experienced his latest tabloid bimbo eruption when his 28-year-old fiancée, an Israeli OnlyFans model and former Penthouse Pet named Adva Lavie, was arraigned on six charges after being accused of committing burglary at the homes of wealthy older men and younger women whom she met through dating apps.