Finger Guns in the Crosshairs
by Dale Lowdermilk
If President Joe Biden is serious about establishing a new office of gun violence prevention (OGVP), enquiring minds want to know if all gun violence will be investigated by this semi-ATF "office"?
Each year thousands of humans – and many who identify as humans – are seriously injured or killed with muzzle-loading shotguns, air rifles, paintball equipment, caulk guns, nail guns, assault staple guns, paint sprayers, water pistols, Nerf ball launchers, replica plastic revolvers, AirSoft rifles, and many other such items.
Gleeful news eunuchs throughout the country claim the new office will be overseen (just like the southern border) by Vice President Kamala Harris and run with the help of gun safety "advocates.” First on their agenda, most likely will be what to do about one of the most threatening devices of all: Finger Guns.
Should Finger Guns be Licensed?
Recently, the governess of New Mexico declared a public health/safety hazard and banned all open (and concealed carry) guns in Albuquerque. During her news conference, she absent-mindedly finger-gunned everyone around her, apparently forgetting that if a 6-year-old draws a gun with crayons or aims a finger gun in the playground, he not only gets suspended, but his actions often "trigger” peer isolation, self-loathing, nightmares, and cause the child to undergo years of therapy.
According to the Urban Dictionary the term “finger gun” (FG) means different things to different people.
One-handed FGs are used to signal “approval,” “You’ve been captured,” “You’re absolutely correct,” or as a substitution for a vigorous slap on the back, following a hilarious, racist, sexist, ageist, or off-color joke.
Sometimes finger guns are used to faux-recognize “donors” when walking across the stage at a political rally, or when greeting a long-lost friend (usually preceded with a finger snap) as you struggle to remember his or her name...or pronoun.
Hillary Clinton prefers finger-gunning phantom reporters and supporters when approaching a podium from stage left.
On June 21, 1989, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled (Texas v. Johnson) that burning the U.S. flag was a "symbolic" form of free speech and protected by the First Amendment.
Shouldn’t finger gunners be entitled to the same First Amendment protection?
As tools of free speech, FGs are used to communicate strong emotional or political sentiments, like flipping someone the bird or using a can of spray paint to artistically express urban isolation and injustice... with graffiti.
Some FG incidents are clearly examples of bad judgment (or inbreeding) as the brother of a career-criminal defendant discovered. The bro was sentenced to nearly 3 years in jail for finger-gunning jurors as his sibling's list of felony verdicts were read.
More recently, an investigative report by Elizabeth Brown of Reason Magazine outlined the deadly consequences of hand gestures. A man, suffering from mental illness, finger-gunned cops, was arrested, and eventually died (after a year in jail) without a trial.
According to Wikipedia, brandishing a finger gun can mean either “I like you” or “I want to kill you”.
“The finger gun is a hand gesture in which a person uses their hand to mimic a handgun, raising their thumb above their fist to act as a hammer, and one or two fingers extended perpendicular to it acting as a barrel. The middle finger can also act as the trigger finger or part of the barrel itself. An optional clicking of the fingers or making firing sounds with the mouth can be included when forming the "gun" as to emphasize the gesture, which can be intended as a threat, or simply a friendly gesture...”
There are many rules, laws, and regulations pertaining to the use and abuse of finger gestures, but more recently, children have been arrested for the perceived “threatening” use of finger guns. Some examples include this Washington Times story from 2007 where a second grader in New Jersey was suspended for drawing an image of a gun.
That same year, a similar story appeared from an Arizona school district where the realistic drawing of a firearm, by the 13-year-old son of Paula Mosteller led officials
to suspend the boy for his artistic authenticity.
Does anyone remember the Pop-Tart gun kid? He was only seven years old when he was suspended from school for chewing his breakfast tarts into a scary "revolver shape".
Mar 27, 2018 - A 13-year-old boy in North Carolina was suspended after he drew a picture of stick figures holding guns and knives.
Is "miming" a finger gun the same as "aggravated threatening?”
Drivers in Woodlawn, Ohio had a scare in 2018 when a man was caught pointing his hand in a "gun gesture" at drivers.
Banning finger guns will no doubt reduce road rage and gang violence.
The dangers of un-registered large magazine and semi-automatic finger guns
The typical Saturday-night-special FG, with index-finger pointing forward and a thumb up, can be easily converted into an over-and-under "shotgun" by simply adding the middle finger. If the two fingers are then twisted, the assailant has created a side-by-side double-barrel shotgun.
Finger guns can be transformed into fully automatic assault appendages by spray painting the hand with a glossy black enamel.
In 1982, I accidentally finger gunned the celebrity host of the Merv Griffin Show. This clip shows how the audience gasped in fear as my hand turned towards the camera. I was not arrested.
The Final Solution
Outlawing finger gunning, along with other dangerous gestures and thoughts such as unscientific climate theories, political hatred, religious troublemakers, unconstrained opinions, and/or unpopular authors and dissidents, is a tried-and-true effective method of establishing public peace and tranquility.
Other methods include Kevlar mittens, psychiatric care, random lobotomies, finger registrations, DNA background checks, chip implants, beheading, electronic wrist/fist monitoring, re-education camps, constrictor handwear, long prison terms, universal reparations, guaranteed living wages, free health care, a new-and-improved (undisputed) Disinformation Governance Board 2.0, and a lifetime appointment position for the Ministry of Truth.
Once dangerous publications, internet sites, threatening hand gestures, finger guns, hatred, scowling, racism, bullying, unfair business practices, subliminal messages, racist-sexist-homophobic jokes, and unclean thoughts, have been legislated or bonfired out of existence, what could possibly go wrong?
The author is an NRA CCW Instructor and founder of NOTSAFE(.)ORG
Absolutely amazing.
Dale good article.
I love it? Finger Guns are so versatile in silent communications. Of course they should be banned. We can't have the public communicating with one another silently, it is too difficult to censor. Anyway, Finger Gun usage should be limited to use by the elite and politicians. Only they know how to Finger Gun someone without psychological damage. Derek Hanley