Medical science may be on the verge of identifying a previously unknown psychiatric disorder.
Kamalosis: A rare condition characterized by compulsive cackling, geographically unstable accents, delusions of profundity, and an advanced inability to recognize that one has become one’s own parody.
Yes, Kamala Harris is back with cackle—and more!
And nobody seems entirely certain why.
Certainly not the voters who decisively trounced her in November 2024. And even her own party is dubious.
But there she is, crisscrossing America, grinning, gesticulating, cackling and delivering speeches in an assortment of accents that would exhaust the dialect coach at the Royal Shakespeare Company.
Detroit. Sacramento. Las Vegas. New Hampshire. Wisconsin. Georgia.
Officially, she was campaigning for Democrats in the midterms.
Unofficially, she’s auditioning for a another presidential campaign.
Her performances are so extravagantly Kamala that she has become a caricature of herself. Any comedian attempting an impersonation would struggle to be more humorous—or tragic—than The Kamel herself.
Which brings us back to Kamalosis.
Symptom One: Spontaneous Cackle Syndrome
The patient erupts into prolonged, high-decibel laughter—without the presence of a anything even remotely resembling something humorous.
This is a sound suggesting that a hyena has swallowed a car alarm.
Her supporters call it infectious.
So is measles.
The laughter may occur during interviews, political speeches, difficult questions, or while contemplating the price of groceries.
Meanwhile, the afflicted appears unaware that nobody else is laughing.
Symptom Two: Acute Accent Migration
The patient’s speaking voice undergoes sudden geographical transformations.
In Detroit, she may sound as though she has spent 30 years in a Motown sausage factory.
In Georgia, her vowels suggest she’s been eating succotash.
I’d pay good money to hear her address the Scottish National Party.
Symptom Three: Chronic Platitudinal Inflation
The patient loses the ability to communicate a simple thought without transforming it into a grand philosophical revelation.
A normal person might say, “It’s Tuesday.”
A Kamalosis sufferer says: “We must recognize that Tuesday is not merely a day. It is a moment in time, and that moment is now, because now is the moment in which we find ourselves.”
In New Hampshire, she announced that an election was coming.
In Wisconsin, she proclaimed that the period of feeling powerless was over, saying something like “power is what empowers us to feel the power of being empowered, because when we understand our power, we understand that powerlessness no longer has the power to make us powerless.”
The sufferer delivers such revelations with the solemnity of Moses descending Mount Sinai, accompanied by vigorous hand gestures, as though conducting an invisible orchestra whose musicians have all gone home.
In short, a Kamala Harris speech is like a series of mangled fortune cookies.
The future is ahead of us.
Tomorrow follows today.
We must do what must be done because what must be done must be done.
Then she laughs.
Some of us are befuddled; others laugh out loud.
Symptom Four: Progressive Self-Caricaturization
The afflicted gradually exaggerates every recognizable personal mannerism until she becomes indistinguishable from a professional impersonator.
The laugh rises in volume. The gestures become grander. The accents become more adventurous. The platitudes become longer.
Eventually, the sufferer reaches a condition known as Total Parodic Convergence.
Imagine Kamala at Home, Making Breakfast
“Doug, we must understand that the eggs we cook today are the eggs that will nourish us tomorrow, because nourishment is about being nourished!”
HA! HA! HA!
(Doug quietly retreats behind the refrigerator.)
Treatment and Prognosis
Currently, there is no known cure for Kamalosis.
The prognosis, for Kamala, is poor.
This is partly because, wherever The Kamel goes, some people continue to applaud as she explains that tomorrow is the day after today.
Which raises the possibility that her state-to-state itinerary is actually a tour of America’s lunatic asylums.
Community Events:
Thoroughly entertaining, yet potentially disturbing if she is ever voted into office by any of the deranged that attempted such in 2024. Thankyou for sharing!
I am getting worried about presidential elections.